A long job

A little boy sees his dad painting the ceiling.
His mum says to him:
“Look and remember how to do it. When you grow up you'll help your dad”.
The boy says:
“But won’t he have finished painting by then?”


A strange pain...

A man goes to the doctor.
- “Doc,” he says pointing to different parts of his body, “when I touch my arm it hurts. When I touch my neck it hurts. And when I touch my stomach it hurts. Do I have some rare disease?”
– “No”, the doctor replied, “you have a broken finger.”


Movies Changed

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to buy some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment:
- The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.
- Well, sir - the attendant replied with a grin - You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now...


Vitamins for kids

A mother walked into a pharmacy and said,
- “I would like some vitamins for my son.”
- “Vitamins A, B, or C?” asks the pharmacist.
- “It doesn’t matter, he can’t read yet.”


The Loch Ness

A tourist asks the guide:
- When does the Loch-Ness monster show up?
- Usually after the fifth shot of whisky.


Future Shock

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told: - You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.
The frog said: - That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?
- No - said the psychic - Next term-in her biology class.



The drunk and the ugly lady

An ugly lady and a drunk man came across each other in a corner. The drunk looked at the woman and said: "Wow, you really are an ugly woman." Surprised and indignant, the old lady replies: "And you are a poor drunk." - "Ok, I am drunk, but you are a very ugly lady," comes the answer. "And you are a very drunk man." - "You are a very, very ugly human being." - "You are very, very drunk."

When the lady waited for another nasty answer, the man stopped for a while, looked at the woman’s face and then said: "But tomorrow I will be sober."

      Veja quem é o homem que teve a inteligência para ganhar R$ 500 mil e a coragem para arriscar (e perder) tudo numa pergunta que ele tinha apenas 20 segundos para responder

Listening to Classical Music

 

    Nho Quin and Rosinha is a very simple couple that loves country music. One day, though, they decided to listen to a different kind of music, and Nho Quin bought them tickets for a classical. But at the night of the concert it took Rosinha too long to get ready.

When they finally got to the theater and sat down, the orchestra had just finished playing Beethoven’s 5th symphony. Totally pissed off Nho Quin looked at his wife and complained: "- It’s your fault! Because of your delay we missed the other four symphonies."

Clinton Joke

 

    There is one great difference between Paulo Maluf and Clinton. While the former wants everybody to know about the things he has done, the latter doesn’t want anybody knowing anything that he has done.